About 6 years ago, I attended at retreat focused on our innate healing abilities. At the time I was told that my healing ability was Vulnerability. My reaction was not any form of acceptance or joy. My understanding of vulnerability, at that time, was to be one who is weak and hurt often. So to hear that my healing quality was vulnerability said to me, 'raise your hand to be exposed to as much pain as possible and show your weaknesses'. I did not want this and could not see how that could be a healing quality.
So I asked the leaders there, what is your definition or understanding of vulnerability. They explained that:
True vulnerability is the choice and space to stand exposed or fully scene before all and to know that in this space you are the greatest, most invincible and healing presence of yourself.
It took me a moment to absorb this. The definition I had was truly the opposite - mine was all about pain and they spoke of power, essence and showing up for myself & others in a way that was beyond anything I had ever encountered or had ever seen.
I was willing to begin a journey of discovering the power in this innate healing capacity.
I would like to ask you if you would like to join me on this journey.
I sense that this capacity is available to all of us and can be expanded to create a life with a depth of fulfillment that eclipses what many of us have been experienced so far.
When you are alone do you ache for the kind of connection that allows you to know of your significance in this world beyond your usefulness?
This comes to my question for you. I wonder, aren't you looking to be seen fully and loved for all of you? I hear all the time, statements like - be the best version of yourself, or be the best you can be. As beautiful as these statements are, they are not the whole story. We cannot be the best version of ourselves 24/7, not really even 12/3.5 (ie half the time) and truly who wants that?! It would be so 1 dimensional. Think of superstars and movie stars who show up as the best version of themselves on the stage or the screen, but they are only expected to be that version and the emptiness that is left when they are not seen for all the other moments and dimensions.
There are so many who are on depression medications and too many who have taken their lives because of this very thing. They are dying to be seen fully, not just for the version that is the best or most acceptable. They are dying to be loved for all of who they are. They are dying to stop trying so damn hard to be what is approved and to just be who they are. Do you ever feel this way? Do you ever desire to be loved without judgement and with the breath of possibility? Have you ever felt like you had to hold yourself back in order to be accepted?
There were times in my life that I felt like joy was one of the scariest emotions. The fullness of joy, to me, meant that I could not hide and I was completely seen. This felt like exposure for all kinds of judgment and attack. I would not share my successes either, for fear that it would make someone else jealous and bring them sadness. And I would not allow myself sadness or anger for fear of my own self judgment and the fear that those emotions would eclipse me. This left me in this middle space that I call numb and others sometimes call peace. Be careful that your slice of peace is not the absence of emotion, energy and essence. This leaves us empty and devoid of true connection. What about you? What are you avoiding at all costs; possibly the cost of truly living?
So, what does it look like to be this vulnerable and exposed, yet connected and fulfilled in real life?
*1. It is letting go of the expectation that you will show up as your best self all the time. It starts with our expectations for ourselves and moving into the space of curiosity of what it would be like to not judge yourself for being the fullness of who you are - for having doubts, fears, failures, jealousy, emotions, incapacities and insecurities and more. Being CURIOUS of what else is possible is a truly powerful choice and one that lets go of perfection and brings in a playful energy!
*2. It is taking note of the people around you and how you value their authenticity; their ability to show up in excellence, pain, need, and triumph. When we take the time to realize we love fully we can give ourselves permission to be loved fully; not in spite of our weaknesses. Loved without limit. Think of how a child loves. They love without judgement. They love fully, not in spite of but because of all.
*3. We get to begin doing this for ourselves and modeling for others what this looks like. Does that sound scary? Choosing different may sound scary but the slow death of suppressing yourself, isn't that so much scarier?! Watching others follow the status quo and hoping that one day they will measure up to a level that is impossible except in screenplays or magazines. Are you willing to stop judging you, even for a moment? Are you willing to stop asking how you can measure up? Are you willing to start celebrating the you in every moment, not just the ones you judge as good.
*4. Allow someone into the places that you hide. Allow this to be you first. When you are willing to witness all aspects of you, it is easier to allow another to witness them and love them. If this seems impossible right now, could you be brave enough to ask: 'What would it take to allow someone in to love me in such a way that seems impossible?'
*5. Celebrate any aspect where you are willing to show up fully and another receives you fully. When we acknowledge and celebrate those moments increase in our lives.
What if being exposed is what we long for and in the exposure there is a love that transcends anything we have ever experienced? Could you choose a path that lead to that?!
If this sounds like too much to do alone, feel free to reach out for a free 20-30 minute expansion conversation. Go to the Services page and click Complimentary Session to schedule yours.